From Pride To Humility

As we approach the end of another block of teaching on our Day Programme it was great to do the Relapse Prevention course by Mark Shaw. In our final session we were considering what it looks like to live as a new human being, one in which (by God’s grace) we move from pride to humility.

As part of our final session, we reflected upon some headings given by Dr. Stuart Scott in his booklet From Pride to Humility, and it was simple enough to relate these headings to addiction and recovery.

Perhaps some of these resonate with you in life. The move from pride to humility involves…

Being a Good Listener (James 1:19; Philippians 2:1-3)

The life of addiction is often one in which the individual is loud, outspoken and opinionated. It’s one in which those who disagree with the lifestyle are regularly written off and even ridiculed. Good advice is ignored and listening to others seems unnatural when you’re high or drunk and eager to be heard above others. Even when sober, the general sense of inferiority that the addict feels in life fuels a persistent need to be outspoken and boisterous that they might be noticed by someone, anyone.

Humility in recovery involves the opposite. It takes humility to listen to advice and to be slow to speak in order to hear other suggestions. It takes humility to let go of the scramble to be noticed in a world where we feel lost. Christ’s example helps us with this. Suffice it to say that being a good listener, particularly when we meet the fellow sufferer, then enables us to help others and produces a Christlike quality that is essential in passing on the message of hope that we too have received. In that sense, being a good listener not only helps us to begin the road to recovery but also helps us to maintain it on behalf of ourselves and others.

Being Gentle and Patient (Colossians 3:12-14)

Patience was in short supply in the life of addiction. The desire for another hit is so overwhelming that it becomes a demand and a necessity. Anything that stands in the way is an obstacle to be removed at all costs, and there’s no time to walk in a gentle manner when gripped with the obsession to use again. Aggressive and even violent behaviour sometimes accompany the state of being drunk or high, and the inner urge to use is so strong that people are disrespected, manipulated and brushed aside in an abrupt and uncompromising way.

Humility in recovery involves the opposite. It takes humility to discard the familiar clothing of the old man and put on Christ through the gospel. When we make a start, being gentle and patient feels uncomfortable and outsized as clothing that has been selected by another. We move awkwardly in our new attire and yet a more patient and gentle spirit becomes more natural as we learn to forgive and put on love.

Being Thankful and Grateful in General Toward Others (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Let’s face it, the addict is often negative. Closed in on ourselves, we focus on the things that justify a drink or a drug, and the blame game becomes part of everyday vocabulary. “It was my parents and my upbringing, it was the teachers in school, it was the boss at work, it was Maggie Thatcher in government, it was my wife, it was the kids, it was my friends.” The list goes on and on. With this mindset, people and even life itself becomes an inconvenience and a struggle, certainly not something to be grateful for or thankful about and so life itself becomes the occasion for using.

Humility in recovery involves the opposite. It takes humility to be thankful and grateful toward others because it involves removing ourselves from the centre and choosing not to dwell on our hurts and pain even though we seek not to minimise their effect. It also involves seeing yourself as having no right to question a perfect God (Psalm 145:17; Romans 9:19-23).

It’s helpful to remember that we are not necessarily being asked to be thankful for every circumstance (or person) but in every circumstance which is why the gratitude list, often encouraged in recovery, becomes a helpful tool to humble us in day-to-day life. It helps us to maintain a spirit of gratitude even as we are dealing with day-to-day difficulties.

Being Overwhelmed with God’s Undeserved Grace and Goodness (Psalm 116:12-19)

Undeserved grace and goodness are hard to appreciate when you feel entitled. This is part of the addict’s plight – simultaneously destroying themselves whilst feeling they are entitled to it along with many other things that we are not prepared to work for in life. The addict has a habit of assuming that things ought to be different and life has been unusually hard for them in particular, and so they engage in addiction as a way of escape or as a means to reach beyond reality.

Humility in recovery involves the opposite. It takes humility to recognize that we are entitled to nothing, are completely undeserving but are yet the recipients of so much good in our lives by God’s grace. In recovery we realise that if we are still living and breathing, we have received God’s care despite all the choices that have gone against the grain of that help. If we still have a roof over our heads, people in our lives and support available we have received His help despite all the choices that threatened poverty and isolation. If we have new opportunities and a renewed appreciation for our surroundings, we have received His guidance despite all the choices that hampered wholesome pursuits in life. If you are a Christian, we have against all merit received God’s acceptance through forgiveness of sin despite the many choices that invited guilt, shame and condemnation.

Biblically Praying and a Great Deal of It (1 Thessalonians 5:17; 1 Timothy 2:1-2)

When engaged in addiction the addict may have prayed. “Please get me out of this, don’t let that happen again, make me feel better, sort out that relationship, give me more money” and perhaps eventually “please help me.” During these moments of despair and where the bridges have been burned and personal resources are exhausted, the addict may turn to the last remaining hope that they can think of - God Himself. Whilst it is good to turn to God, it is when we come into recovery that we realise that our emergency prayers are not always biblical prayers.

Humility in recovery involves the opposite. It takes humility to pray biblically and a great deal of it. Praying biblically often means that we are not simply asking God to change the circumstances or give us what we want but to change the person that we are, that we may better handle circumstances without a drink or a drug and learn to be content with where we are in life. A quick escape from life’s problems can be as bad as a quick fix but praying biblically puts God’s will at the centre rather than our own and helps us to learn to handle life on life’s terms. Giving time to prayer also involves surrendering our schedule and not making an idol of our time. This takes humility because we establish new and fruitful pursuits in recovery that need to be lived out in light of scripture.

Focusing on Christ (Philippians 1:21; Hebrews 12:1-2)

In recovery the addict needs a new fix. Whilst life in addiction can be chaotic, unpredictable and lacking in direction and purpose, it does have a focus. One in which everything revolves around the next drink or drug. One in which the individual arranges the furniture of life to meet that end, even moving heaven and earth in the process.

 Humility in recovery involves the opposite. It takes humility to acquire this new fix for it is one where we fix our eyes on Jesus rather than our own distorted desires and impulses. It is astounding that so much of life can be affected negatively when focused on our addiction, but the converse is true. So much in life is affected positively as a result of fixing our eyes on Jesus. Replace one fix with another and life can be different.

Having an Accurate View of Your Gifts and Abilities (Romans 12:3)

There’s a famous Robert Burns quote – “oh the gift that God would gee us, to see ourselves as others see us.” It may be surprising to hear, but the addict often suffers from an inflated view of themselves. As the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous highlights, the problem drinker is full of “grandiose ideas.” Ideas about themselves and about life and often fuelled by an inflated ego. However, jaded realism ensues as the big ideas come to naught, the grand ideas are beyond our means, and the ambitious proposals are grounded by a lack of ability.

Humility in recovery involves the opposite. It takes humility to have an accurate view of your gifts and abilities. Recognising reality, living with our limitations and embracing our finiteness is healthy and beneficial for everyday life. It allows one to live well with what God has given and to work with how He has made us rather than striving to be what we think we should be. This is part of the challenge for the addict who is often reaching for the stars and dealing with the disappointment of not being able to stretch that far. Much of our drinking and drugging was an attempt to reach above and beyond the limitations of life and to feel truly free but freedom comes from living in accordance with God’s will and the parameters he has set in life.

Recognising and Trusting God’s Character (Psalm 119:66)

‘Self will run riot’ is the phrase that is often used to describe the lifestyle of addiction. It is a lifestyle where life is managed with a ‘my world, my way’ mentality. The addict escapes into addiction as a solution to their problems and finds that their addiction is like a trusted friend who gives them confidence, so they work hard to hold on to it. Strangely, the social nature of addiction can make people feel secure and give a sense that life is going somewhere.

Yet trust can come at a cost as addiction unfolds and the individual finds themselves not only sinning but being sinned against. This can come from the circle of friends they acquire, the means through which they employ their addiction and the damage that is done to them by others whilst under the influence. When things turn sour and life bites back, the addict often turns inward to try and resolve their problem using their own limited resources.

Humility in recovery involves the opposite. Looking to God and trusting in Him is not a natural move for anyone in life let alone the addict who is determined to hold on to his addiction above all else. It takes humility to recognise and trust God’s character when our instincts push us in another direction. It involves surrendering our self-sufficiency, letting go of the sin we have become accustomed to and fallen foul of. It involves developing a healthy distrust of our own abilities, our own goodness and our own ideas for getting through life. Thankfully, when we begin to recognise and trust God’s character it often leads to an increased desire to know more of Him as the Psalmist experienced.

There are many other ways in which we can make the move from pride to humility and many more applications from the eight we have considered above. Suffice it to say that they are impossible without Christ and His Spirit enabling us to do so.