The Pure Joy Of A Clean Conscience

When it comes to addiction, people are often as shocked by how they feel as much as by what they are doing. This is clear when people begin to share their stories, and we hear about one of the most common outcomes of addiction: crushing feelings of guilt and shame and the psychological effects of a guilty conscience.

Yet a guilty conscience goes further than feelings of guilt and shame. In Christopher Ash’s book Pure Joy, he encourages the reader to think about ‘the joy of a clear conscience in every day of living and in the day of death.’ In one insightful chapter, he reflects on what a guilty conscience does to a person and how it shapes their lives. His thoughts, based on bible passages, show us once again that as the bible speaks to the human issue of sin, it also speaks to the human issue of addiction - for we can see its effects clearly in the lifestyles we have led.

Ash’s first point is that a guilty conscience never forgets – it works through our memories. It becomes so much a part of our personal history that our past actions cannot simply be shrugged off or ignored, even if we are trying to move on – even when we think we have moved on.

This is especially relevant when dealing with addiction. When people come to Hope For Addiction UK, they arrive carrying the accumulative impact of heavy drinking or drug use, the associated fall out in relationships, and the consequences of destructive choices. These experiences are not easily dismissed, even if well-meaning individuals wish they could be - or suggest that they can be.

Occasionally, there is a mindset in church that says, “with the gospel, you can forget the past and simply look to the future.” But the danger is that this becomes just another form of therapy - something that may not have worked in the past for the addict. On the contrary, the security of the gospel helps us face the past rather than ignore it. And no cliché (Christian or otherwise) can brush off past actions that have become part of our personal story. Facing the past is what we encourage people to do when they attend our meetings and seek our support.

Ash’s next point is that a guilty conscience makes me want to hide - and that “secrecy is our natural response to a guilty conscience.” As we often highlight in our meetings, hide-and-seek is the oldest game in history - it goes all the way back to Genesis 3 and is part and parcel of the lifestyle of addiction. 

This hiding might involve concealing the substance itself or avoiding those who’ve been impacted by our addiction. Often, it is hiding behind an image – a life of addiction that looks fine from the outside but feels empty and hopeless inside. Sometimes it’s flat-out denial; other times, it’s a fear – fear that if we speak the truth about our issue, it will come into existence as a real, external ‘thing’ to be dealt with.

Brad Hambrick, author and counsellor, suggests that the hardest part about overcoming an addiction is not “physical withdrawal symptoms, or the loneliness that comes from severing ties with friends. It is not figuring out what to do with our time or learning new, healthy forms of entertainment. It is not managing the fallout of emotional and financial stresses caused by addiction. The hardest thing about overcoming addiction is being honest,” - rather than hiding away.

Ash also notes that a guilty conscience isolates me, because we want to hide from guilt and sin - and so, “there is an inbuilt tendency to loneliness.” Guilt tends to reduce human connection. Even when people gather in groups to indulge in revelry or excess, guilt still drives them further apart.

This theme is echoed in many of the stories we hear - of the lone drinker or drug user, isolated, with few if any friends, having burned bridges in various ways. Often this isolation is not just circumstantial; it’s driven by a deep discomfort. The addict separates themselves from those who might confront their issue, because being around them stirs their conscience. A guilty conscience forces the addict to retreat - and so we become “happy” enough on our own, if our substance is there to comfort us. Sadly, with a hardened conscience, many people spend years in isolation before they finally reach out for help.  

The inverse is just as powerful: when people begin to open up, tap into recovery and come out of hiding - there is a camaraderie and a sense of fellowship that forms. This mirrors Christian fellowship, and it reflects what is on offer in Christ for those who bring their sin into the lights and put their faith in Him.

Ash’s fourth point is that a guilty conscience makes me feel fearful and anxious. He points out that a guilty conscience can reduce “very strong people to very frightened people.” It becomes a drain on life and “makes cowards of us all.” 

This is one of the hardest things for loved ones to witness. We see people who were once outgoing, capable, and full of potential - people who had plans, careers, and confidence - now fearful, withdrawn, and uncertain as addiction takes its grip. Many share how all the good things in their life began to fall away. Alongside this is often an inability to simply do life, and the person seems to wither on the inside. 

The merry-go-round of addiction only exacerbates this, as the body and nervous system take repeated hits. The addict overcompensates after a binge, trying to fix the fallout - arguments, debt and trouble at work. Some of these issues are real; others are imagined, as a guilty conscience goes into overdrive. But either way, fear grows - and the addict begins to expect the worst, all the time.

This draining experience can lead to what Ash describes in his next three points:

·       A guilty conscience is a heavy and painful burden.

·       It makes me angry and resentful. 

·       It makes me restless.

When someone is torn apart by a guilty conscience, there is no hope of peace and contentment. We become inconsistent, irrational, and experience an “uproar in the soul” that logic alone cannot calm.

For the addict, this restlessness often shows physically – walking around with hoods up and heads down. In our turmoil, we lash out, become overly sensitive, and struggle with even basic relationships. Our inner unrest creates outer dis-ease in life. We are quick to blame others for our problems, rather than looking inward.

Eventually, we begin to avoid reality altogether - wandering aimlessly through life, without purpose or direction, because reality becomes too hard a place to live. And when it finally sinks in that there is no one left to blame, and nothing left to get angry at, a guilty conscience can lead to full-blown despair. 

This is why “our hope for all those who use our services, is that they would become CLEAN from all substances and CONNECTED - to their families, communities, a local church and ultimately to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Yet even in that hope, there is a danger - Ash’s final point is that a guilty conscience makes us look for religious solutions. We seek solace in religion itself and try to “make up” for our past or by throwing ourselves into work, hobbies, sports, or moral behaviour. These good things can become “god things”- used to prove we’ve changed or to silence the guilt.

But the solution to a guilty conscience is not so much about doing something new - it’s about believingsomething new. And that belief is not an abstract faith in a system, but trust in a person - Jesus Christ. It is through faith in Him, that we receive the forgiveness of sin.

This is not a Christian cliché or a therapeutic pep talk – it is grounded in the reality of a person whose conscience was always clear and who, through the cross, offers complete forgiveness. God doesn’t just tell us we’re forgiven; He shows us. And that makes all the difference. Because if God only tells me I’m forgiven, I might doubt it. But when He shows me – when I look at the cross - my conscience is confronted with something it cannot deny. Through faith, Christ and the cross can be pressed deeply into our conscience – again and again.

So why not pick up Christopher Ash’s book, and pursue the pure joy found in the gospel? As the writer to the Hebrews reminds us:

“Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience….”