Anger: Powerful Messenger, Dangerous Master

Anger. It’s one of those emotions that can take over before we even realise what’s happening. It can push us toward things we later regret, make us say or do things that hurt others, or just feel plain overwhelming. But here’s the truth: although anger can be destructive, it is also deeply revealing. Anger can show us what deeply matters to us—fairness, love, safety, respect – but it can also uncover sinful or destructive desires that feed our old ways of coping.

The real danger comes when anger starts to call the shots—when it begins to take control, when we allow it to have mastery over us. Left unchecked, anger can damage relationships, fuel impulsive choices, and even trigger relapse or other addictive behaviours.

But if we can learn to spot it early, listen to what it’s saying, and bring it before God, anger doesn’t have to be our master. It can become a messenger—guiding us toward God, who offers refuge rather than ruin.

Emotions aren’t the enemy—they’re messengers. But they make bad masters.

For addicts and those in recovery, anger can feel raw - especialy in the early days of sobriety. It’s like suddenly all the stuff we used to numb are right there at the surface, demanding attention.

Here’s why that happens:

• Without substances, we actually feel again.

• Old pain, trauma, and resentment start to rise up.

• We’re facing the consequences of our past choices.

• Old relationships and triggers show up again.

• We’re setting new boundaries—and not everyone likes that.

But the good news is, we don’t have to deal with anger the same way we used to. With God’s help, and the support of others, we can learn a new way—to recognise it, reflect on it, and respond wisely to it instead of reacting destructively.

Recognise Anger Before It Hijacks You

Before we can change our reactions, we must notice what’s really happening inside us.

Ask yourself:

• What does anger feel like in my body? (tight chest, clenched fists, racing heart)

• How do I usually show it? (shutting down, sarcasm, snapping, yelling, impulsive behaviour)

• What tends to trigger it? (feeling disrespected, ignored, controlled, hurt)

• Does it make me want to relapse, escape or reach for something to numb it?

Noticing anger isn’t weakness—it’s actually a sign of strength. It means we’re willing to face reality instead of running from it. That’s maturity – and it’s part of recovery.

Reflect – What Is My Anger Trying to Tell Me?

Every emotion carries a message. Anger is often a cover emotion—it hides something deeper like fear, grief, shame, rejection, or loss of control.

Someone once said, “I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name.” That’s powerful. Sitting with anger means facing it – not supressing it and not exploding – but acknowledging it and being honest about what lies beneath.

Ask yourself:

• What am I really upset about?

• What value or need feels violated—safety, respect, connection, honesty?

• Is this anger protecting me? Warning me? Calling me to speak truth?

• Am I angry about what God would be angry about—or just not getting my own way?

James 4:1 puts it bluntly:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?

Reflection helps us go deeper—to get past the surface reaction and see what’s really going on inside. For those in recovery, this process is vital – it helps replace impulsive, destructive responses with prayerful, intentional ones.

Respond to Anger, Don’t React in Anger

When we learn to sit with our anger, we can respond with wisdom and self-control rather than reacting impulsively.

So, when you feel like exploding - pause.
When you feel like stewing - talk to God or a trusted friend.
When you feel like blaming someone or something else - remember, you can’t control others or your circumstances, but you can control your own words, actions and choices.

So much of growth in recovery—and in following Jesus—comes down to what James 1:19 says:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Think about it—how many relationships could be saved if we just stopped to listen before reacting? How much inner frustration could we avoid if we took a moment to pray before speaking? How much relapse could we prevent if we simply slowed down and asked God for help in that heated moment?

If anger has ruled your life or continues to be a controlling master, don’t lose hope. It doesn’t have to be that way. God isn’t afraid of your anger. He’s not shocked by it. Rather, He wants to meet you in it. He can take what feels like emotional chaos and turn it into emotional clarity. He can teach you how to face anger without fear, shame, or relapse.

Anger pushes us to react fast – but Scripture calls us to slow down. Slow down and be honest about what’s really fuelling your anger. Slow down and seek accountability. But most of all, slow down and speak to the LORD –

who is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. (Psalm 103:8)